All That I Live For
by StarsInTheRain
Summary: Kakashi Hatake has been a ANBU assassin for so long, he no longer remembers what joy is. Will he ever find happiness again, or only dwell in grief for the rest of his life?


**All That I Live For-Kakashi Hatake**

(I know there are many facts different in this story different to the original plotline, but I don't claim the characters, which belong to Masashi Kishimoto! Enjoy!)

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The moon was at its zenith, but none of its silver glow found its way into the secret office room. In the first hour of the morning, an old man sat at his desk, hunched over with weariness. Shuffling documents, he wrote feverishly, finally breathing out in relief. As the door opened, letting in a few glimmers of moonlight, he quickly straightened up, and spoke.

'Enter, Kakashi Hatake.'

A man in his early twenties entered the room, a dark figure strolling out of the shadows with the grace of a hunting panther. Kakashi held out his hand wordlessly, starlight glistening through his silver hair, but the other man did not respond in kind.

'I won't be giving you any more missions. As of tonight, you are no longer part of this village's ANBU assassination corps.'

'My lord?'

'This coming morning, you will break from the ANBU and join the normal elite ninja of the village.'

'Why?' Kakashi asked, his dark eyes blank above the black mask that covered most of his face.

The old man sighed deeply. The burden of protecting the lives of the village people seemed to sink heavier onto his shoulders. 'I don't feel good about what I have done, letting you kill for so long, Kakashi. We ninja can never destroy all of our emotions, no matter how hard you may try. Your new assignment is to train a team of three apprentice ninja.'

Kakashi blanched, tensing. '_No!_ I refuse! Never again will I suffer like—'

'_You will do as your leader tells you, Kakashi. _You cannot live in a world of blood, slaughter and carnage forever, however much you're trying to forget your past,' the old man commanded in a steely tone. 'Living for the fight and the blood isn't who you are, and it won't bring your teammates back from the dead, or erase what has been.'

'D—don't say that_._' The younger man whispered, shrinking back. 'I can't stand to hear it. I _can't_ bear the pain of failing to protect the others again.' Kakashi's eyes were haunted, and he buried his face in his hands with hopelessness, leaning against the wall. Rin. Master Namikaze. _Obito!_ He remembered.

'You won't fail this time, Kakashi. You will keep your apprentices safe on their hired missions, and they won't suffer the same fate as your old team. Believe in your skills, power and most importantly, yourself. '

'Believe . . . . .' Kakashi straightened, glancing down at the violet-dark ANBU tattoo on his right shoulder. It isn't who I am anymore, he thought. I can't be a killer any longer.

The old man smiled, long creases in his brown face deepening like the bark of a gnarled old tree. 'Wash the tainted blood of the assassin off your hands, and cast away your mask. Go to the village's ninja academy in a month's time, but first, rest.'

Kakashi went slowly to the door, and then paused. 'For how long must I be master to these three apprentices?

'I will withhold my judgment for the moment, and see how you do as a teacher.' The village leader then said in a softer voice, 'But for now, forget death, and put aside the weapons of murder. Come to terms with yourself - and remember how to live.'

'Yes, my lord.' Kakashi said respectfully, and went outside, entering into the chill of the early morning air.

Walking through the shadowy streets of the village, the young man headed for his home, passing a lamppost. He thought over what had been said in confusion, watching the light flicker faintly against the houses. Remember how to live? What did he mean? True, I did join the assassination corps. It was so I'd never have to think again about the mistakes I made that got my friends killed. But now, without the elimination of my next target, I can no longer remember what the meaning in my life is, or what it _ever_ was.For so long, I threw myself into my missions heart and soul and lost myself in an endless whirl of bloodshed, striving to forget.

'_I don't understand._' Kakashi growled quietly to himself, as he rounded a corner into the silver-illuminated main square. He stopped and leaned against the tall fountain, tilting his head back and looking up at the hazy moon. It held no special shimmer for the one-time assassin, who had long forgotten how to see and look for beauty. He had suppressed his emotions for so long he did not feel anything much, save the instinct to end lives.

'Oh, Obito. How do I live now? Where do I go from here?'

*

_A month later. . . . ._

The sun beamed down as Kakashi arrived almost an hour late at the ninja academy, crossing the rust-red training field to the lesson building. Silence reigned, as most of the students had already left with their new teachers. That means – it's just my team now, he realised, sighing. It felt strange and uncomfortable to be up for long during the day, as his former ANBU assignments had mostly been carried out under the cover of night. He walked through the brightly hued corridors, eventually reaching the right classroom.

Painful nostalgia washed over Kakashi as he remembered his own apprentice days in this room, so many years ago, when Obito and Rin had still been alive. At that thought he shuddered. Get it together, man, he told himself sternly. You can't go to pieces now!

Bracing himself, Kakashi put his hand on the doorknob, then froze as the loud shout of a twelve-year-old boy sounded from inside.

'Aw mannn! How long will our new master make us wait?! He's taking _forever!_'

Then another boy's voice, quiet and irritated, made itself heard. 'Shut up, you loser. He'll get here when he gets here. You're driving me crazy!'

'Guys, will you both cool it? Calm down, and stop worrying.' a girl sighed. 'We are on the same team now, you know. At least _try_ and get along.'

'Ohhhhh. . . .' Kakashi whispered, shocked. My new students sound just like my old team . . . . He gasped, trembling hard.

'It's almost exactly what we said at our first meeting together!' The simple words of those three had awoken strong emotion in Kakashi, feelings he had thought were long dead.

Can I stand being their master? Will the pain be that unbearable? He thought wildly, but....

But, strangely enough, the emotion filling every corner of the young man's being wasn't pain, but joy, he realised. He felt as though he was with his two teammates again, their spirit found in these innocent apprentices. His dear ones could almost be with him now, memories of them now brought to the surface.

Two crystal tears ran down Kakashi's face, and he opened the door, walking forward with new hope shining in his heart.

At that moment in time, the assassin left for good.

On that day, the new life of Kakashi Hatake began.


End file.
